Green Ball Crew

So my band played a show down at Asbury Lanes in Asbury Park over the weekend. It was a pretty amazing show. We played second but got there early enough to drink our fair share. I ran into all sorts of people over the course of the night. After we were finished with our set I talked to a few people and then I went to the mens room. Standing next to me at the urinal was Bouncing Souls guitarist Pete SteinKopf. I was pretty hit up and just started rambling to him. "So dude, level with me. You get mad baked before you play". "ha ha, uh what?"
he said half laughing half taken aback by my question. "I've seen you guys play and I've seen you in interviews. Are you really trying to tell me that you don't smoke an insane amount of pot before you guys play and interview?"I said, half slurring and beginning to wash my hands. "Umm... well I like to smoke but I don't do it as often as you apparently think I do.. ha ha" Pete responds. "Oh well, it was nice to meet you. My name is Jeff". "Nice to meet you Jeff, my name is..." says Pete as I cut him off with "Yeah I know dude.. remember?"

Trash Can Rock

Here's another example of an amazing shout out for an amazing band. This young lady was rocking a "whatever's cool with me" D. Jr. tee while the officer on COPS was telling her that her boyfriend shot himself upon his capture and arrest.. "He'll be alright, they can sew people up real good at the hospital he's going to" - Officer. "I'm gonna git her back in therapy, I'm always tryin' to git her back in therapy where she belongs" - D. Jr. fan's mother. (not shown).

Chinese Democracy

I remember buying Guns N’ Roses “Lies” from Sam Goody right around the time it came out. It had one of those Parental Advisories on the front of the cassette, so I had to cover it with my thumb when paying for it. When I got to the counter the clerk ripped it out of my hands and said “Fuck yeah!”.He sold it to me, I took it home, and I learned every single word start to finish.

In 1988-1990 I lived in a trailer home on my family’s lawn while my house (which had recently burned) was being rebuilt. My younger brother and I shared a small room, covered wall to wall with fake paneling and a steel bunk bed. It had an Iron Maiden “Somewhere in Time” poster on one wall and a Megadeth “Peace sells but who’s buying” poster on the adjacent wall. It was perfect trailer home décor. I remember blasting “Lies” with my younger brother singing along one night. My brother yelled “Muthafuckkka!!” and my mom ran in immediately. She took my Lies tape and told me that I was never to listen to anything like it again. A month later, I opened a shoe box in her closet and there it was. I sneaked the tape back into my room and made a little hiding place for it. I shared it with my neighbor Jay, a kid my age who had older grease monkey brothers who regularly blasted things like “Dr. Feelgood” or “Ride The Lightning”. It wasn’t long before I heard the album “Appetite for Destruction”, and knew right then that I needed to backfill my GNR cassette “collection”.

Jay and I were hanging out in our tree house one summer afternoon when we came up with a bad idea. “Let’s see what’s in those cars”. So we sneaked back into the garden center behind the tree house and started opening up cars. I found a bunch of change, a copy of Judas Priest’s “British Steel”, AND a copy of “Appetite for Destruction.” YES. I took it all home, along with a giant primitive car phone and hid them all in my 1988 Topps baseball card complete set box .

Over the next few days we rocked out to more GNR and I started playing Jay’s brother’s guitar. I tried over and over again to mimic the sound of the “Sweet Child O’ Mine” intro. No luck, just some bad notes that ultimately made me think guitar was too difficult. One day after school I came home to a very disappointed mother. “Someone at the Hillsborough police station wants to see you. What’s going on Jeffrey?” I shrugged my shoulders and said “I dunno” . She shook her head and the next thing I knew we were on our way to police headquarters.

The officer asked me questions about the cars we had broken into. “I’m recording everything you say Jeffrey so be honest” he said. Then he asked me if I believed in God.

“Umm…yeah?” I awkwardly responded thinking “wait, I believe in metal now”.

It tuned out I had dropped my pocket knife at the scene of the crime. It had my initials on it and it didn’t take long for the authorities to make the connection. I was let off the hook for being so young but they told me if I got into anymore trouble I’d score a permanent record out of the deal. The officer came to my house and I returned all the stolen goods…well, except the Appetite tape. I wasn’t allowed to hang with Jay for awhile either.

Over the next few years I grew up a bit, but not much. I got into my first Rated R movie: “Terminator 2: Judgment Day”. It during this movie that I fell in love with this brand new song by GNR called “You could be mine”. I needed this song. This song need to be MINE. So being the younger sucker consumer I was, I ended up both “Use Your Illusion” cassettes. I never favored one over the other though. Everyone I knew was either like: “Dude, UYI 1 is so much more killer than 2 – 2 has all the lame songs” and vice versa. I found something special in both of them.

My girlfriend at the time ended up dumping me at some point during the UYI era. I have a distinct memory of showering before school one morning and blasting “So Fine” off of UYI 2. I remember it being a song that spoke directly to me and my feelings at the time.

The song was so powerful that it transcended all the years between then and just a few years ago when a new girl in my life gave it an all new meaning. When I realized that it was a Duff McKagan song, he quickly became my favorite member.

“The Spaghetti Incident?” turned me off instantly simply because of the album’s name and food imagery on the album’s cover. When I finally mustered up the courage to give it a listen, I heard and understood why the public couldn’t care less about the release: They simply did not understand. There are two simple reasons why this album rocks. Number one: Duff sings on many of the tracks. Number two: Every band they cover is amazing. They really show you exactly where they came from with the songs ranging from Dead Boys “Ain’t it Fun” (actually including guest vocals by Hanoi Rocks front man Michael Monroe) to the J.Thunders great “You Can’t Put Your Arms Around a Memory” (arguably one of the saddest songs in semi-popular glam rock history). An amazing album to end the era of what I consider GNR.

Today I heard the new one: “Chinese Democracy”. First let me say that it is hard enough to consider it new or to get excited about something I’ve been hearing so much about for so long. This record seriously murders me. It feels like the time I ran into my childhood best friend after not seeing him for 15 years. I still knew it was him but his life had changed so much without me that when we finally reunited it was like we never met.

There are songs that have their parts such as “Better” shows some of Axl’s sensitive side which is tolerable and perhaps his only successful skill that has survived over the years. Am I still seeing the dreadlocks and the football jersey from the 2002 VMAs in the back of my head? Am I thinking of the stories of the ridiculous fights and trashy attitudes Axl has dished out in the last decade and a half, or am I simply coming to terms with the fact that GNR died long ago? Fact is that the new heavier songs sound like newer heavier popular bands and that makes me a bit ill. Somehow the leads and the bass sound amazing. Axl’s voice sounds sonically amazing. The effects on some of the rhythm guitars and the newer more modern tricks they use are corny, weak, and really have nothing to do with GNR. The drum effects? Shoot me. I guess that’s what comes with a band that loses everything except its front man. And the new lineup? I don’t care about a single new member with the exception of Tommy “Take your money and get the hell out of there dude” Stinson. The new record is as much of a mess as Axl’s life has been.

Every mistake Axl has made can be summed up in one decision he made awhile back when tattooed a big ugly black cross over the AFD logo he had on his forearm. It speaks for everything. It’s over. Chinese Democracy should have been called American Capitalism, because that’s pretty much all it is to me. Next time you pick a band to back you up Axl, make sure they like rock music that predates crappy 90’s rap-rock.

That's it, bye

So we went down to part one of the final Ergs show at the Asbury Lanes. My roommate Sarah was nice enough to score me a ticket awhile back so it was a smooth sailing successful adventure. The place was pretty crowded, we ran into a bunch of people we knew, and I think I had about six drinks before 2pm. The first band "The Jurks" were decent. Punky, dark surf rock with a wailing drummer/singer. I thought they would have sounded a lot better with their treble on 6 as opposed to 11 (or as it seemed). Very very loud highs that distracted me from their true, full sound.
Next up was Hunchback. I really like these guys (and gal) when they play their more serious stuff. The singer nails a Gibby Haynes from Butthole Surfers here and there, but influences are across the board. A few of their songs sound like a completely different band, which isn't necessarily bad, but again I am a fan of the darker more serious stuff. Their humorous Beavis and Butthead, and 80's SNL clips were funny but distracting and irrelevant. Their cover of Neil Young's "Heart of Gold" was good but not their best cover. I'd have to say the "Statue of Liberty"
by Descendents was their ballsiest and most successful cover to date. I will miss this band but will not miss the Ghostbusters theme song. And if you were there you know EXACTLY what i speak of. Kill me.
The Ergs were solid. Played pretty much what everyone wanted to hear, demonstrated some serious energy on stage and did very well. Unfortunately for me it was another last show by a band I should have paid more attention to. It felt like my girlfriend had finally left me after years of neglect and disinterest on my part. As she waved goodbye I simply thought: "fuck".