Gimmicks, Good and Bad

Kiss – Slipknot

Makeup

When I first heard the words coming out of Gene Simmons’s mouth, I was floored. How could this guy sing like this if he dresses like he wants to feast on my soul? Somehow it works though, and it works enough to sell billions of dollars in useless merchandise. Slipknot tried the mask and makeup thing. Only problem is that they suck at music. I guess if I was in a band that attracted the followers that they do, I’d wear a mask too.

Rage Against The Machine – Limp Bizkit

Rap-Rock

There was nothing better at 12 years old than singing along to Rage with my fists clenched. Zack de la Rocha delivered hard-hitting political truth to the arrangements of an intelligent and creative rock group. Unfortunately, his style was mimicked until it was beaten to death. People like Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit should have never been allowed to operate a microphone. Your lyrics are corny and silly, your band looks like they each want to join some other bad group, and you are not so tough Freddie.

The Knack - Hives

Skinny Ties

So the 80’s brought a ton of skinny ties into the mix. The retro 60’s “I wanna be in a clean British Invasion-looking group” thing picked up as well. The Knack was able to do it and not many people hit them with negative feedback on their decision to do so. The Hives however, missed the boat on this one by a long, long time. Not to mention the fact that they just aren’t good sounding, which should be priority over the way a band looks.

Nirvana - Creed

Mehr-hehr

“Mehr-hehr” or “Meer Heer” (roughly pronounced Mare Hare) is a style name one of my good friends often uses to describe that lockjaw vocal sound that started up in the rainy city of Seattle some decade and a half ago. Kurt Cobain was one of the first to do it and I can shamelessly say that I enjoyed his efforts. I don’t know if it was because I could relate to his honesty, or if it was just new and undisturbed at the time. More recent bands like Creed and such, have managed to completely embarrass the human race with their singing style. Try opening your mouth when you sing. Holy Suckfest.

Alice Cooper – Marilyn Manson

Rock and Roll Villain

When he realized that the rock world was full of musical heroes, Alice Cooper set out to give Rock and Roll a Villain. With his make up and his pet snake, Alice shocked the world and hooked a great number of true fans. The irony is that he is apparently one of the nicest guys in the business. Marilyn Manson on the other hand, is a total dork. He thinks he is this generation’s rock villain, but he has nothing but a handful of crappy albums and a million confused teenage fans to show for. His make up and gimmicky looks only cover up his enormously produced pseudo-metal sound. Marilyn is as much of a musician as Davey Jones, and should probably stop as soon as possible.